


cut open my sternum and pull my little ribs around you

by gigantomachy



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Cheating, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Gentle femdom, Infidelity, L is just happy to be here, Loss of Virginity, Misa is kinda kinky, My First Fanfic, Objectification, POV Amane Misa, Topping from the Bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:11:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26000155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigantomachy/pseuds/gigantomachy
Summary: A bit of harmless flirting with L is the last straw for Misa, helping her to finally realize that Light doesn’t return her feelings. After spending months locked up at headquarters with an inattentive boyfriend, she’s about to hit her limit, and decides to seek out the affection she wants from an unexpected source.
Relationships: Amane Misa/L
Comments: 23
Kudos: 129





	cut open my sternum and pull my little ribs around you

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve never written a fanfiction before. Used to write some original fiction, but it’s been years. I intended to just be a spectator on this site, but I felt a strong urge to create the L/Misa fic that I wanted to read, a hot oneshot with an optimistic ending. I'm a happy ending goblin and I just want my babies to be happy. Any errors are my own, since this fic is totally un-beta’d.
> 
> I hope I succeeded, and that they don’t seem too OOC. (More notes at the bottom on my opinion of Misa and why I wrote her the way I did, they're a bit long and rambling though.) I referred to L as “Ryuuzaki” in the fic since she doesn’t actually know his identity yet.
> 
> This takes place directly following chapter 45, before Misa goes to speak to Higuchi and while she is still missing her memories of the Death Note. You’ll notice some divergences from canon: in the comics, L and Light were still chained together at this point. They aren’t chained together in this story because that would interfere with the smut I want to write. You can assume that someone else is watching Light, or maybe they’re having him sleep in the cell at night so L can get some work done alone. In addition, in the manga, I think Misa wouldn’t be allowed to leave her room without an escort. I’m letting her in this fic because, honestly, it fits my story better.
> 
> Also I’m not using honorifics because I’m lazy, and my mental picture of the layout of the investigation headquarters is hazy at best, don’t @ me.
> 
> Title is from "Fineshine" by Purity Ring.

Misa flopped backwards onto her bed with a sigh. She was alone in her room, though she knew she was never _really_ alone here, since her every move was being monitored on camera. But she had gotten used to ignoring that, to pretending that she had some privacy, at least when she wasn’t yelling at the cameras in the hopes that someone would bring her out to see Light.

Today, it had actually worked, which was unusual. Light and Ryuuzaki had shown up at her bedroom door with no warning at all. Instead of taking her out for a date with Light, as usual, the two of them had come into her room and asked her a lot of weird questions. They had decided to let her help with the investigation, which was great: it was a way to prove her devotion to Light. They seemed to think that she needed to be convinced, but really, she would have agreed to do it even if they had just asked her directly from the start.

But then… _that_ happened. Misa had kissed Ryuuzaki on the cheek. It wasn’t unusual for her. She was used to being energetic and playful around men, doling out little bits of attention. It was sort of necessary in her line of work.

What she hadn’t expected was for Ryuuzaki to blush a deep red, raise and hand to his cheek, and say, “I could fall for you, you know.” _What the hell kind of a response is that, Ryuuzaki?_ Misa thought, rolling over to bury her face in her pillow. Why was she still thinking about it, all those hours later? _Probably just shock._ Despite him saying that he was a fan of hers, Ryuuzaki always seemed so cold and self-contained. She wouldn’t expect something as simple as a kiss on the cheek to throw him off-balance. Or was he just messing with her?

Misa was used to men falling all over her. That was just how things worked. But for the past few months, that hadn’t been the case at all. No matter what she did, Light seemed to barely notice her existence. And that was fine. She’d accepted it, because she knew he was different than other men. He was too smart, too ambitious, working on too many important things, to be distracted by something as simple as her sex appeal. That was the price she paid for dating a genius, right?

But then there was Ryuuzaki. He was just as smart as Light, if not smarter. They were working together on some really important stuff, like catching Kira. And she had still made him blush. She had never imagined he could make a face like that. She tried to picture Light doing the same: Light blushing, holding a hand to his cheek, saying something so blunt and unguarded.

She couldn’t picture it at all. Even when Light was being a good boyfriend, being chivalrous, there was always something distant and calculated about him. She wasn’t stupid. She could see it. And so, apparently, could Ryuuzaki. Looking back on their conversation, she realized he had been nicer to her than her own boyfriend had, even though she was his suspect. He had said nice things to her, told her she was the perfect woman for Light.

He had _pitied_ her, Misa realized. Her face felt too warm. Even a loser like Ryuuzaki had noticed that Light was neglecting her, and had felt bad enough to say nice things to her to cheer her up. Almost like he was trying to compensate for Light’s disinterest in her. If there was one thing Misa couldn’t stand, it was being pitied.

For the first time, Misa felt genuinely angry with her boyfriend, Light. Sure, she had been a little pushy when she asked him out, but she hadn’t threatened him or anything. He chose to date her, right? So why was he acting like spending time with her was a chore? Why did he ignore her to the point that she was obsessing over the reaction of such a creepy guy as Ryuuzaki, just because it was the only time in months that she had felt like her charms worked on anyone? Did the rest of the task force pity her, too? Did they think she was too stupid to notice Light’s coldness to her?

If they thought she was stupid, that was sort of Light’s fault, too. Misa knew men didn’t like women that showed them up. She had bent herself in half trying to be a good girlfriend, to be bubbly and sweet and never too serious. She didn’t mind being seen as the dumb blonde model. That was the sort of thing men liked, right? But no matter how cute she acted, it was like Light saw her as an annoyance. Maybe she should have tried to be more serious? _Argh._ She clutched the pillow to her chest, rolling back and forth a bit in frustration.

Misa hated the entire situation. She hated that she had stooped so low as to obsess over a crumb of validation from some creepy nerd just because he was the only person in her limited social circle to pay any attention to her. She hated that Light had put her in this situation. She loved him so much, more than anyone had ever loved anything, probably. She would die for him if he wanted her to. But he treated her love like an embarassing weakness, like something childish and annoying and _girly_ , when men all over Japan would have killed for a fraction of the attention that she gave freely to Light. How could he not see that?

Normally this would be the time that Misa would call up a friend to talk. She wasn’t very good at figuring stuff out on her own. But her phone had been taken from her, and even when she was allowed to leave the building for work, to get a sliver of her old life back, she was never given the chance to talk to anyone who might be able to help her figure this out.

If she wanted to talk to someone, it would have to be someone in the investigation. Light was out of the question, since he was the problem in the first place. The men of the task force? Well, she couldn’t talk to Light’s dad, Matsuda was straight-up useless, and the rest of the men seemed to resent her presence in the building, like all the talk of girly stuff like dating and love was dragging their serious investigation down. Like the things she cared about were small and stupid compared to the whole “Kira” thing. They were like Light in that way.

The only person left, then, was Ryuuzaki. He wasn’t easy to talk to, or even to be around at all. And he was sort of involved in the problem. But he was smarter than almost anyone she knew, maybe even smarter than Light. And if he had really been flattering her to cheer her up, then he was observant enough to have noticed how Light treated her. Maybe he’d be able to help her make sense of it.

Having made up her mind, Misa jumped out of her bed and walked to the closet, intending to get dressed again. She might as well talk to him now—it was late, but he was probably awake, and Light and the others were asleep and unlikely to intrude.

Opening the closet doors, Misa paused halfway through reaching for a skirt. She had been planning to go to bed, so she was just wearing an oversized t-shirt that fell to the top of her thighs—quite a difference from her usual gothic lolita outfits. But she was already comfortable, and if she got dressed again, she’d feel compelled to reapply her makeup, and what was the point if she was just talking to Ryuuzaki? It wasn’t like he’d notice or care that she was in her pajamas. He wasn’t Light. She _could_ put on some leggings under her t-shirt, at least… But if they were going to keep her locked up in this hotel under some bogus suspicion of her being the “second Kira,” they could deal with her wandering around in her nightshirt. Her room was being watched anyway, so it was nothing they hadn’t seen before.

And if her outfit was inappropriate enough for Ryuuzaki to actually notice—the flash of underwear under the hem of the shirt, her bare legs on full display, the points of her nipples and the motion of her breasts making it obvious she wasn’t wearing a bra—well, that wasn’t so bad either, was it? He was watching her room anyway, and he was going to stare at her with those weird, giant eyes no matter what, the pervert. Might as well give him something to stare at. Maybe she could get him to blush again. Misa knew that the fact that she cared at all was a sign of how crazy she was being driven, locked up in this hotel like she wasn’t a beautiful, famous model, her boyfriend treating her like a frumpy little nothing. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t a nice thought anyway.

Well, then. Misa withdrew her hand and shut the closet door. Almost unconsciously, as she walked to the door leading to the hallway, she ran a finger under the collar of her shirt, tugging it a little to one side to expose more of her neck and chest so that it looked like it might slip off her shoulder. If anyone asked, of course, it was an accident. She wasn’t trying to look barely decent, no, she was just tired and comfortable.

Misa slipped out into the hallway, bare feet padding softly on the cold floor. On the way to the main room, she made a detour, popping into the kitchen and rummaging in the cabinets until she found a lollipop. It wouldn’t hurt to give Ryuuzaki more incentive to talk to her.

As expected, when she entered the main room, she saw Ryuuzaki’s messy black hair from behind, illuminated in the glow of his laptop. The only other light in the room came from a few dim lamps. He was alone, thankfully. She didn’t really want to discuss her relationship problems in front of that weird old man who orbited around him half the time. He didn’t turn around to greet her, but she knew that he had noticed her presence, because there was a short pause in the tapping on his keyboard.

“Ryuuzaki,” Misa said softly as she approached him, stopping a few feet behind him.

The tapping continued for a few seconds, then stopped. He lifted his head, but didn’t turn. “You can’t see Light right now, Misa. It’s very late and he’s asleep. Plus, you just saw him a few hours ago.”

“That’s not what I was going to ask,” she said. “I was actually hoping to talk to you.”

Ryuuzaki moved his laptop from its perch on his knees to the desk in front of him, then spun around in his chair, remaining in his weird crouch. His expression was about the same as ever; she couldn’t tell if she had surprised him or not. “Is this about Misa being the second Kira?” he asked.

Misa felt her temper start to rise. “Hey! I’m not—” but he cut her off.

“Or is this about our plan for you to talk to the Yotsuba group?”

Misa tried to reign in her temper. If she yelled at him, he probably would just send her back to her room. She wanted him to be interested in what she had to say, not irritated. She wasn’t sure if he would entertain her relationship problems unless she approached him in the right way. “Neither, actually. I’m just… having some problems, and I wanted to talk to a friend. This afternoon, you said you were my friend. Did you mean it?” Feeling a little awkward, Misa sat down on the sofa, a little ways away from his chair.

Ryuuzaki just looked at her for a moment, tilting his head. “I suppose, yes. But I’ve never had friends before. I don’t believe that I’d be of much help to Misa.”

“That’s not true, Ryuuzaki! You’re so smart. You’re like the smartest person I know. I believe you can help me!” _I hope it’s not too obvious that I’m trying to butter up his ego_ , Misa thought, putting on a bright smile. “Would you mind putting your laptop away and sitting on the sofa with me, so we can talk like real friends?”

“Like real friends…” Ryuuzaki seemed to turn her words over in his head, thumb rubbing against his bottom lip. “I don’t see why that means I have to move to the sofa.” She was about to try to convince him, but he went on. “But if Misa thinks it’s important, I suppose I can try it.” At that, he typed a few more words and closed the lid of his laptop. She wondered if she should feel bad for using his lack of experience with friendships to get him to follow her orders, but pushed it out of her mind. It was for a good cause.

Even the way Ryuuzaki stood from the chair was strange: he pushed himself to his feet, still balanced on top of the computer chair, and then stepped down to the ground from there. Even with such horrible posture, he was tall and lanky compared to Misa, who was tiny in stature for a model. As he approached the couch, she felt an unexpected nervousness, her heartbeat accelerating. She had never been alone with Ryuuzaki before, and her outfit, which she had chosen not to change almost out of spite, suddenly made her feel bare and vulnerable. He wasn’t exactly a _man_ , not in the sense that she should feel nervous to be alone with him. But there was something much more intimate about the situation than any contact she had with him before—their isolation, the lateness of the hour, her bare skin, the lack of her usual style and makeup making her feel exposed and, all of a sudden, very young.

Of course, none of this seemed to bother Ryuuzaki at all, as he awkwardly shuffled over to her and took a seat on the far side of the sofa. He looked mildly curious, maybe, but nothing more. She tugged her shirt down her thighs slightly, shifting in her seat a little uncomfortably, as he looked at her, seemingly waiting for her to speak.

“Uh… I brought you this,” Misa managed, holding out the plastic-wrapped lollipop in her hand. “You can have it if you have a conversation with me without mentioning my second Kira percentage.” He looked like he was about to speak, but she quickly continued, cutting him off. “You’re free to calculate it in your head, just don’t tell me, please. I want to at least pretend I’m having a normal conversation with a friend who doesn’t think I’m a murderer.”

Ryuuzaki nodded, extending his long arm and delicately lifting the lollipop from her hand, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger. “I’ll do my best, then.”

Misa was in a rarely pensive mood, it seemed. She wasn’t really able to muster the energy to joke around or beat around the bush, especially with this weird creature making excessively constant eye contact with her with a lollipop sticking out of his mouth. She settled her back against the arm of the sofa, facing him. “Ryuuzaki, you’re smart, you know? You notice things about people.” She waited for him to respond, but he only stared at her with his dark eyes, thumb brushing his lower lip. Uncomfortable with the silence, she continued. “Light…”

Finally, he spoke. “What about Light?”

“He… doesn’t love me at all, does he, Ryuuzaki? I don’t think he even likes me.” She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Her shirt wasn’t covering much in this position, but his eyes didn’t even steal a glance. Instead, they remained fixed on her face. Normally, Misa was full of energy, but now she was quiet. There was something resigned about her expression.

Maybe it was the look on her face, or the fact that she seemed, for once, like she might not flip out and start throwing things if someone suggested her relationship with Light might not be perfect, but Ryuuzaki didn’t try to dance around the topic, not this time. “It doesn’t seem that way, no.”

Misa closed her eyes for a moment, as if fighting to maintain her composure, then opened them. Arms tightening around her knees, she smiled, yet somehow her expression seemed more sad than if she had cried instead. “It was nice to pretend for awhile.”

They sat there in silence for a few moments. Just when Ryuuzaki was starting to get antsy, shooting glances at his laptop like he was wondering if he could go back to work, she met his eyes again. “I’m sorry for calling you a pervert, Ryuuzaki. You’re actually pretty nice.”

She couldn’t tell whether he cared one way or the other, since his expression didn’t change, but he did ask, “Why did you call me one, then?” Still, it was impossible to tell if he was genuinely interested or just bored. Or maybe he thought it would help with the case.

“Wishful thinking, maybe.” That statement did manage to earn her a sharp look from him, almost confused. Misa felt her face redden and looked away, feeling pressure to explain herself. “I mean… I don’t think Light even notices me as a human, never mind a woman. Everyone else on the task force treats me like I’m stupid or in their way. You did kidnap me and accuse me of being the second Kira, but I feel like you’re the only person who pays any attention to me half the time.”

“What about Matsuda?” he asked, interrupting her rambling.

“He doesn’t count,” she said, sounding more like her usual self in the flippant way she spoke, and Ryuuzaki snorted. She grinned a little, glad to have amused him for once, before continuing. “When you said you were my fan, it made me happy. When I kissed you on the cheek, the way you reacted… Even just blushing and saying… _that_ , it was more reaction than I’d gotten from Light in our entire relationship. Maybe it was just an act, some detective trick, but it made me happy that someone as smart and important as you could be affected by me. I was starting to feel like I was invisible.”

“Misa… you’re a model. Half of the men in Japan are probably in love with you already. You’re far from invisible.” At that, she just shook her head. Not that it was wrong, she thought, but it was somehow missing the point. Her fans were mostly overbearing and creepy, not smart and interesting like Light… or Ryuuzaki. “If you’re wondering, it wasn’t an act. I’m not used to that sort of thing.”

Misa furrowed her brow, struggling to follow him. “What sort of thing?”

Ryuuzaki let out a breath, looking away from her to stare across the room. She thought she could see the beginnings of a blush on his face, but it might have been her imagination. It took him so long to reply that she began to wonder if he was going to say anything at all, but he did. “Attention. Being touched. By any person, but especially by a woman. Let alone by a woman who looks like you.”

At that, Misa flushed bright red. _I really must be attention-starved after being locked up here for months with a boyfriend who can’t stand my company_ , she thought. It wasn’t like she was unaware of her looks, so why should it affect her so much to hear Ryuuzaki say it?

It was late and she should go back to her room before she felt compelled to say anything more revealing, but she didn’t want to. She’d been alone for so long—even on the rare occasion that she convinced Light to take her on a date (always with Ryuuzaki tagging along), she was just as lonely by his side as when he left. She needed proof that she was here, that someone was paying attention to her. So she decided to press the topic, even though Ryuuzaki was pointedly avoiding eye contact at this point.

“’Not used to that sort of thing’ like it’s been awhile? Or doesn’t happen often? Or ‘not used to that sort of thing’ like it’s never happened?”

When Ryuuzaki finally looked at her, he seemed almost angry. “Are you trying to ask if I’ve kissed a woman before? What do you think, Misa? I don’t exactly get out very much; I never even had a friend my own age until I met you and Light. If you’re just going to make fun of me, leave me alone and let me work.”

Misa had been unusually calm since they started talking, but that was enough to piss her off. She jumped off the sofa, eyes flashing. “Ryuuzaki, you idiot! I’m not making fun of you!”

Irritation swept across his face as he responded, “Why are you asking me these sorts of questions, then? What are you trying to get out of me?”

Clenching her fists, almost yelling now, Misa spat out, “Maybe I wanted to kiss you again! If I thought you could stop being a jerk long enough for me to do it!”

That was enough to provoke a real reaction from Ryuuzaki (or, at least, she thought it was real; who knew if he was just playing with her). His eyes, already unsettlingly big, widened in shock, and his face was as red as it had been when she kissed his cheek earlier in the day. Staring at her, he muttered, “Why?”

“What do you mean, ‘why’?” Misa thought she’d never meet such an aggravatingly thick man.

“Why would you want to kiss _me_? You just found out five seconds ago that I’m basically a friendless virgin. That’s not exactly something that women like. I’m ugly, you’ve said so yourself, and you’re a model. I’m sure you’ve had the chance to date men just as handsome as Light your whole life. People like you don’t kiss people like me. Is this some game for you as the second Kira?”

Ryuuzaki was staring down at the floor by this point, and despite her irritation with him bringing up the whole Kira thing again, his admission of insecurity, even if he disguised it was a logical deduction, swept most of the anger from her body all at once, and she sat down on the sofa again. This time, she was closer, her bare thigh touching his hip. Crouched beside her like a frog, he tried to move further away, but he was already against the side of the couch.

Misa leaned back, sighing softly. “How should I put this… Do you know what it’s like to be a young woman, Ryuuzaki? One who looks the way I do?”

“Well, I don’t have any practical experience, obviously.” His voice was deadpan, but she could tell he was teasing her just a bit, so she grinned. But then her expression became thoughtful.

“You said I probably had the chance to date handsome men my whole life. You’re right. I was 12 when adult men started trying to date me. Handsome men, sometimes. None of them cared for me. They liked that I was pretty, and that I was young and naive and would do what they wanted. My whole life has been about making myself into something that men want, and that’s never made me happy. I mean, Light is perfect. He’s handsome, smart, ambitious… and he has been cruel to me since the day we met. All the men I knew before him only wanted my looks, and when I found a boyfriend who I actually loved, who wasn’t just after my body, it turned out he didn’t care about me at all.”

She was rambling again, saying much more personal things than she meant to. But at least Ryuuzaki was interested enough in her sudden confession that he didn’t seem so nervous anymore, had stopped shifting like he was about to jump off the sofa and run out of the room. He watched her now, quietly, so she went on. “You’re not handsome, Ryuuzaki. And you’re honestly kind of creepy. But your reactions are genuine. You’re not trying to get power over me or use me. I’m sick of experienced men. When I’m able to make you blush, I’m happy. I want to be the powerful one for a change. Is that weird? Or perverted?”

“You might be asking the wrong person. I don’t know much about what’s normal.” He paused. “If you’re asking if it bothers me… It doesn’t. But what about Light? I haven’t had many friends, but I hear that you aren’t usually supposed to kiss their girlfriends.”

At the mention of her boyfriend, Misa felt a shock of cold in her veins. She was devoted to Light, had been since they’d met. She’d never been the cheating type. _Ryuuzaki must think I’m so inconsistent, jumping suddenly from Light to him._ But she didn’t want to stop, either. “I’ll break up with him. It might hurt his ego, but I don’t think it will hurt his feelings.”

Ryuuzaki just nodded thoughtfully, not responding. Misa realized he still hadn’t said anything about her confession, nothing about whether he wanted to kiss her too, he had only questioned her to see if it was real. They sat side by side on the couch, not speaking, until the atmosphere had grown so thick that she could barely bring herself to move. Her leg was still touching his hip, and even with his jeans in the way, that little bit of contact took up most of her attention. Her heart was beating fast, but she wanted to take charge for once in her life, and she knew that Ryuuzaki was probably far more nervous than she was, so she set her hand gently on top of his knee.

He started at the contact, jerking his head around to stare at her. “Would you put your legs down, Ryuuzaki?” she asked.

Thumbing at his lip again, he shook his head slightly. “Misa…”

“What?” she said, starting to get frustrated again. “Do you think Misa is ugly?” And yeah, maybe she knew she was being a bit manipulative. But Light never reacted when she pouted and threw tantrums, so she wanted reassurance that she could still get her way with a man when she wanted to. Even someone like Ryuuzaki, who could barely be called a man. So she let her eyes water a bit as she looked at him, sticking out her lip, and he sighed.

“Don’t play dumb, Misa, you’re obviously beautiful.” Despite her having basically forced him into that one, she felt a rush of warmth at the words. _It really has been too long._ “But you’re my suspect, not to mention barely out of high school, and you’re still dating—”

She cut him off with two quiet words, eyes locked on his. “Please, Ryuuzaki.”

His expression was unreadable, but he did slowly lower his legs to the couch, and even crunched the last pieces of the lollipop and set the stick on a table off to the side. He sat as if waiting for her next move. His wide eyes on her were making her feel a bit awkward, but when she reached out and lightly touched the side of his face with her fingertips and tilted it more towards her, he let his eyes fall closed and his whole body seemed to shudder. Her heart was beating so fast, like it had been the day she first met Light, back before she realized how little he felt towards her. She wasn’t sure if Ryuuzaki had any interest in kissing or if he just wanted to find out what she would do next.

Misa pressed her lips against Ryuuzaki’s. His were chapped, but not unpleasantly so, and he was surprisingly warm. But he held his body entirely rigid, almost like kissing a wall. She let one hand rest on the side of his neck and pulled back slightly, looking at him. His eyes were still closed and his lashes were long and dark. She could see the faintest hint of freckles on his cheeks, his pale skin flushed bright red, and the dark bags under his eyes, almost like a raccoon. “Is this okay?” she asked, voice quiet. “Is it… do you not like it?”

His eyes opening a crack, he said, almost at a whisper, “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

She smiled gently at him and said, “That’s okay. Just follow my lead.” Misa was used to being the dependent one, doing whatever her boyfriend told her to do. It was nice, for once, to feel like she was in the driver’s seat.

Misa leaned in and kissed him again. Ryuuzaki seemed less tense now, at least a little bit. At least enough to move his lips against hers, even if he was so hesitant about it that she was reminded of trying to get a stray cat to approach. She had the crazy feeling that any sudden movement would send him running to hide under his bed. She let her lips part slightly, tasting the remnants of tea and sticky candy on his lips, and he took just long enough to reciprocate that it was awkward. But eventually he did open his mouth to let her deepen the kiss, though he still seemed unsure what to do. His hands fluttered at his sides, like he wanted to touch her but was unsure how.

His nervousness somehow had the opposite effect on her, making her feel more confident than she had in a long time. She grabbed his hands and firmly placed them on her narrow waist. Making a soft sound in her throat, Misa moved against him, pressing closer, and wrapped her arm around behind his neck, tangling her fingers in his surprisingly soft hair and tugging gently, sucking at his bottom lip. All of a sudden, Ryuuzaki whined, both hands tightening on her hips, and surged forward with surprising passion, tongue sliding against hers.

It was the polar opposite of kissing Light. When Light kissed her, Misa had been so happy, because she loved him, but Light kissed like it was a chore. He kissed her with confidence, letting it last exactly long enough to be considered a proper kiss, but no longer. There was no feeling behind it. On her part, sure, but not his. He didn’t even change expression when he did it.

L, on the other hand, was sloppy and awkward, as might be expected for a reclusive genius having his first kiss at the age of 24, but he kissed her desperately, like he needed to get everything he could from the moment before she changed her mind and disappeared. He pulled her close and she melted into the kiss, making pleased noises in her throat. She was so caught up in the moment, in knowing that he actually desired her, that after a few minutes, she swung her leg over his without thinking, shifting her weight until she was straddling his lap with both arms wrapped around his back. The long t-shirt she wore to bed was riding up to the top of her thighs, and she could feel his jeans through her cotton panties.

It was already apparent that Ryuuzaki was hard. His baggy pants did nothing to hide it, to stop her from feeling it. Still, it had happened faster than Misa expected. She rocked herself against him, just a little, to see what he would do, and was caught off guard when he gripped her hips and jerked upwards underneath her, awkwardly and instinctively chasing the sensation. She pulled back for a second, resting her forehead against his. He was almost panting, but as he caught his breath, she could tell that he knew why she had stopped. He looked like he was about to say something, maybe even apologize, but before he could, she worked up the courage to grab her nightshirt and pull it up over her head, leaving her in nothing but her underwear. She felt the need to move quickly, before her brain caught up to what she was doing.

That was enough to drive all thought of speaking from his head. Ryuuzaki stared at her with his bug eyes, even worse than usual, seeming frozen in place. She knew her breasts weren’t that big. With how thin she had to stay for her modeling career, they didn’t have much of a chance to grow. It had always been something she was self-conscious about, but now, having left Ryuuzaki speechless, she felt pleased enough with her figure to show off. “Do you want to touch me?” she whispered, and that was all it took before Ryuuzaki’s hands were on her, groping her breasts and rolling her nipples in his hands as she threw herself into another sloppy, open-mouthed kiss, making soft breathy noises into his mouth as his hips rolled again. He had no real rhythm, but he was so damn sincere about the whole thing that she didn’t mind.

Even though they had been making out for several minutes, even though she was currently straddling his lap and grinding herself against him, it somehow seemed absurd to Misa that Ryuuzaki even had a cock, much less one that could get hard. It almost seemed beneath him. He was meant to be an asexual super-genius, not a regular man who could make sounds like _that_ when she rocked her hips against him. She wondered if this was rare for him, indulging in these sorts of things, if maybe he never really bothered and hadn’t been hard in ages, or if he was taking himself in hand every night, stroking himself, getting off. She wasn’t sure which option turned her on more—at least until she remembered that he had a 24/7 live view of her bedroom, that he could have been watching her and, well.

A day ago, she would have wrinkled her nose at the idea, said something about him being a pervert, but now it somehow felt like the hottest image that had ever passed through her mind. How was it that someone so weird, someone who wasn’t even handsome, was so outrageously sexy to her?

She hadn’t been planning to have sex with Ryuuzaki when she came here to talk to him, hadn’t even been planning to when she started kissing him, but Misa’s face and body felt so hot, like they were burning, and she thought she might lose it if he stopped. So she pulled away enough to reach down and cup him through his pants. “Ah!” he said, and she could feel his cock twitch in his jeans.

“Would you like me to…” Misa trailed off, trying to think of a way to say it that wasn’t too embarassing or clinical or like something out of a porno. “Do you want to put it in my mouth?”

Ryuuzaki’s eyes widened. “Misa, something like that… You don’t have to do that for me. This is more than I ever expected.”

Taking a breath, Misa decided to push the issue. “That’s not what I asked. I know I don’t _have_ to, but I want to.” She rose from his lap only to slide to kneel on the floor in front of the couch, in between his legs, looking up into his dark eyes. “Please, Ryuuzaki, let me suck it.”

At that, his eyes fluttered shut for a second, face looking almost pained, as if he were trying to hold himself together. But he nodded, so she quickly undid his fly and clumsily pulled his hard cock free of his pants and underwear. Misa wasn’t sure what she was expecting, it wasn’t like she had thought about it before, but it seemed just about average in length, maybe a little longer, thick, and flushed bright red. But more than any of that, it was _his_. It was _Ryuuzaki’s_ cock and it was hard, hard for _her_. She was the one who had gotten him hard, more than anything else, that was what made her clench her thighs together, trembling, as she gave the head a tentative lick.

Thankfully, he tasted and smelled clean, even still having a hint of soap. She had been a little worried that his antisocial attitude and refusal to follow social norms might extend as far as personal hygeine, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

He groaned, tilting his head back. With one hand, she slid her panties down, leaving herself fully nude, while at the same time, she started to suckle at the head. The whole time, Misa didn’t take her eyes off Ryuuzaki, wanting to see the expressions that flitted across his face. Even just lightly sucking the head was enough to draw a string of wordless noises from him, face turning red, head tilting back. He was so _responsive_ , almost more like a woman than a man in the volume of the sounds spilling from his mouth. He looked back down at her, pupils huge, and there was nothing calculating in his eyes anymore. He was totally vulnerable to her in his pleasure, and so she opened her mouth wider, trying to take in more of him.

His hips bucked upward slightly, making her eyes water, but Misa didn’t mind. Any discomfort was worth it, if it meant she was driving him to a place where he couldn’t care about anything but his own pleasure. His hands were clutching at her hair, holding her but seemingly still too considerate to push her down, so she inhaled and slowly slid her mouth down his length, swallowing around him until her nose was pressed against the soft curls at the base. He was leaking pre-cum already, but the taste wasn’t unpleasant.

Ryuuzaki cried out, louder than she expected, and one of his hands flew upwards to cover his mouth for a second before twisting in his own hair, looking for purchase. His other hand was cupping the back of her head, more forcefully now, pushing himself down her throat. His upper body was curled over like a paranthesis, making her feel hemmed in, and she wasn’t sure if it was just his natural posture or his way of handling the pleasure she gave him. She was starting to get sore, her eyes watering, and she would need to breathe soon, but his reactions were so intoxicating that she sucked harder, letting him push her mouth down on his cock. _I’d let him wreck me if that was what he wanted_ , she thought, almost dizzy. When she felt herself choke a little, throat convulsing, he only cried out and push his hips up against her, clutching her head down to his crotch, too far gone to think about her comfort.

Misa would have stayed that way, happily taken it all, but she wasn’t ready for it to be over yet, so she put both hands on his hips and pushed, breaking his hold on her, and slid off of his cock with a wet sound. She coughed, sputtering a bit for air, and Ryuuzaki’s eyes opened, staring down at her with his hair totally dissheveled and his eyes dark and helpless. She expected him to apologize, but he only made a small whine in his throat, pushing his hips forward again as if he could reach her mouth. “Misa,” he gasped. “Misa, please, I was about to… I need…”

She smiled up at him. “I know what you need, Ryuuzaki, trust me. I would have been happy for you to cum down my throat, but then this would be over and you might not be able to fuck me. You’re not done until I say you are.”

Even after everything they had done together already, Ryuuzaki’s eyes widened when she said that she planned for him to fuck her. It was like he was continually grateful for everything she chose to do with him, and she found herself almost preening under the attention. She was the one sitting naked at his feet, wanting him to choke her on his cock again, but somehow she felt more powerful than she ever had, like she could tell him to do anything and he would listen. “Is your bedroom nearby? Can we go back there?” she asked him.

Suddenly, Ryuuzaki moved, scrambling down awkwardly from the couch to the floor beside her and pushing her back, covering her with his body. Misa laughed a little, breathlessly. “So we’re doing this right here, then?” she said, mostly to herself, feeling his cock, wet from her saliva, press against her bare thigh. But she grabbed him by the shoulders and held him off for a second longer. “If you’re going to take me on the floor in the middle of your investigation headquarters like an animal, you should at least take your clothes off.” Not that the idea of her naked body underneath him, with him clothed in the same outfit he wore to work with the task force, didn’t do something for her, but she felt like she should hold onto _some_ dignity.

Her words had the desired effect, the imagery sending a shudder through his body as he jerkily yanked his shirt over his head, struggling with his head caught in it for just a second before he pulled it off and threw it aside. He rose just enough to yank down his jeans and underwear.

Just as suddenly, Ryuuzaki froze, brow furrowing, and she looked up at him expectantly. “You don’t have a… condom, do you?” He seemed almost embarassed to say the word. It reminded her of the boys in her high school, convinced they were ready for sex but terrified to even talk about it. Sure, she was shy about that sort of thing too, but she was a girl. It was weird to see a man acting the same way.

“Damn, no,” Misa said, smacking her head. “Light and I don’t, really… I mean, we haven’t…” She trailed off, blushing. “And I wasn’t planning for this to happen tonight. But I’m, uh, I’ve been taking the pill, just in case…” She knew that Ryuuzaki was probably aware of that; after they’d released her from the cell, she had been allowed to request that some items be retrieved from her apartment, but the condition had been that Ryuuzaki would look through every last item before it was given to her. Still, she was worried that he would want to stop, would realize this was a terrible idea after all. “It’s okay with me if you don’t want to use one.”

Ryuuzaki sat back on his heels, cock hard and bobbing in front of him, looking a little ridiculous on his pale, almost skeletal body. “Well, I suppose, since I haven’t been with anyone… And we do have access to your medical records, I know you’ve been tested.” Misa blushed a little to know that he seemed to know everything about her, but at the same time, if it meant Ryuuzaki would fuck her, she was fine with it. She didn’t have anything to hide from him.

“Okay,” he said, after a long pause. “But I’m going to pull out before I climax. As a precaution.”

As she nodded earnestly at him, eyes wide, Misa made up her mind: _like hell he will_. She wasn’t trying to trap him or anything; she really was very diligent with her birth control, since she’d thought Light might finally decide to have sex with her. But as she watched the smartest man she had ever met use his genius brain to rationalize his way into having unprotected sex with his 19 year old murder suspect, what she wanted, more than anything, was to shut that brain off altogether, to drive the final remnants of rationality and self-restraint from his head. Her goal for tonight was to make Ryuuzaki feel so good that nothing else mattered, least of all the consequences. She wanted to break him open and look at his insides, see who he was when his brain finally shut up.

He leaned over her again, laying her down on the floor, and this time, she let him. There was something dirty, in a good way, about being laid out on the floor in front of the couch. Ryuuzaki fumbled eagerly to line himself up at her entrance, but that was where he stopped, seeming to lose his nerve again. Misa gently wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him on. She was slick enough already that he slipped in with surprising ease, but she was still small pretty much everywhere, and his cock was thick enough that she needed a moment to adjust. Luckily, he seemed to know what she needed, holding still as she felt the stretch and burn of him inside her and gradually came to relax.

At least, she thought he knew, but when she had adjusted, he still wasn’t moving. She met his eyes questioningly, noticing that he was biting his lip. “You don’t have to wait any longer, Ryuuzaki. You can thrust, it won’t hurt me.”

“It’s not that,” he said, gasping a little. “You’re, you just feel so good. No one told me it would feel like this. I’m trying to get a grip on myself, so this isn’t over too fast.”

 _So analytical, even like this._ Still, she felt warm at his words. Physically, she knew the pleasure for her would be greater if he held out, but mentally, she wouldn’t exactly mind being so good that Ryuuzaki came instantly. But she would be patient. While she waited, she slipped a hand between them, rubbing lightly at her clit. She was glad that she had kept herself shaved, even locked up here with a boyfriend who wouldn’t touch her.

Staring down at her, eyes lidded, Ryuuzaki slowly began to move. He was awkward at first, not really having any rhythm, but she guided his rocking motions, grasping him with her legs. “Hell, Misa, you’re tight,” he muttered, and she felt herself clench almost involuntarily in response, driving a gasp from him. She pulled him into a desperate kiss, clutching him and sucking on his tongue like she could draw him further inside of her that way, then let him pull back to keep moving.

He was propped on his elbows above her, driving into her harder now. His wide, dark eyes were starting to make Misa feel a little self-conscious, so she closed her eyes, losing herself in the motion. She found herself fantasizing even as Ryuuzaki fucked her, fantasizing about him as she listened to his ragged breaths above her and felt him pounding into her. Flashes of images, some so filthy that she would have been ashamed to admit to anyone that they had crossed her mind.

Misa pictured Ryuuzaki laying her on the floor like this, but, this time, climbing upwards to straddle her chest, feeding his cock through her lips, crouching over her and pushing down into her throat until he came all over her face. She wanted him to get her dirty, ruin her, make her choke, and she wanted to see the embarassment and shock on his face when he came back to his senses and saw what he had done to her.

She pictured him fucking her like this, only this time in his bed, her arms and legs spead-eagled and bound by the same chain that had connected him to Light, this time binding her to the corners of the bed, spread and vulnerable and helpless for him. She imagined him cumming on her and leaving her like that, not even bothering to clean her up. Leaving her tied to his bed as he went to work with the task force. They wouldn’t know she was there, naked and filthy on the other side of the wall.

He could keep her there as long as he wanted, even with a bag over her face. She wouldn’t need to be beautiful for that, it wouldn’t matter. She’d just be a hole on the bed for Ryuuzaki to fuck. Every time he got hard, every time he was frustrated with the investigation, every time he couldn’t sleep, he could slip into the room and push his way inside her without a word, fuck her hard, empty himself inside her until it was dripping out. He wouldn’t ever have to touch himself again, just use Misa’s body to masturbate with, like a doll. She wanted the brilliant man to be so far gone that he wouldn’t think twice about taking every desire he had and playing them out on her body.

Misa was rubbing herself faster now. She heard a noise. It was Ryuuzaki, making a high, desperate, keening sound, and realized all at once that she had said some of that out loud, whispered it for Ryuuzaki to hear while he fucked her. Her face was burning and she would have been mortified. She had never been confident enough to dirty talk. That wasn’t what she was supposed to do. She was supposed to be nervous and innocent, doing dirty things because her boyfriend wanted them, but never thinking of stuff like that on her own. And the things she had been thinking, and unknowingly narrating to Ryuuzaki, were so filthy she wanted to die. So she _would_ have been mortified… if not for his reaction.

At hearing Misa’s fantasies, Ryuuzaki seemed to lose all control. It was like something had broken inside of him, his brilliant, detached mind falling away to leave only something animal behind. He slipped both arms under her back, clutching her to his chest and driving the breath out of her, with only his hips able to move, snapping forward again and again. Her hand was forced out from in between their bodies, so she arched a little, trying to angle herself so that he would grind against her clit as he thrust. His head hung down against her shoulder, mouth open and panting next to her ear, crying out senseless profanity, in English and Japanese, harsh words she’d never heard from his lips before. He was humping her cunt, hard and desperate, rutting like an animal, as she squirmed beneath him. She couldn’t stop him even if she wanted to, and she didn’t think he had enough control of himself to stop, either. She hoped he didn’t.

The whole time, Misa kept on with the fantasy, her words coming broken and disconnected as she begged Ryuuzaki to use her. “I could be a doll for you, please, make me take your cock three times a day, fill me with your cum, ah Ryuuzaki, I’m just a hole, I was made to fit your cock. Please, Ryuuzaki, do I feel good?” Only the fact that he was so far beyond rational thought or communication made her feel brave enough to say such incredibly vulgar things to him. She knew she was babbling now, pleading with him as he drove into her with broken, ragged cries.

Distantly, Misa thought how loud they were being, but realized she didn’t care. She’d always been terrified, in the past, of anyone knowing that she did anything sexual. That wasn’t what good girls did—not good daughters, not wholesome agency models. She was meant to tease, but never give in. And those men always acted like she was doing something dirty or shameful by giving in to them. They wanted her, but they respected her less for letting them touch her. She could feel it. But tonight, Misa was free of that. She didn’t care if all of them overheard, or even caught them at it—the men of the taskforce, Light’s father, _Light_. She wanted them to see what she had done to Ryuuzaki, see how lost the great detective was in her body. She wanted them to walk in and see that she wasn’t just some little girl that they could lock up and ignore. She didn’t care if the whole world saw her beneath him, because he was clutching her like she was something precious, something magic.

All those wasted months, bending over backwards for the slightest acknowledgement from Light, when she could have had this all along. She could have seen this expression on Ryuuzaki’s face, like he was about to break apart from pleasure, like he couldn’t think of anything but her. She could have put it there months ago. It felt like a horrible oversight that she hadn’t. “It should have been you, Ryuuzaki,” she whispered. “I should have met you first, I should have been yours from the start.” She clutched at his back. “Can’t you feel it? I was made to fit you, to do this to you, Ryuuzaki, please, let me do this for you, it’s the only thing I’ll ask for. No one but me can make you feel this way, my body, it’s yours, it’s meant for you, you can have anything, Ryuuzaki, just use me—”

At that, she was gone, arching underneath him as much as his crushing grip would allow, crying out into his neck, fingernails digging into his back, vision going white. In the haze of sensation, she vaguely registered that Ryuuzaki had stopped moving again, was trembling as he held her.

Coming down from the high, Misa felt pleased and boneless, but even if she was physically satiated, mentally she needed something more. “Ryuuzaki?” she asked, breathlessly. “Why did you stop?”

His eyes were squeezed shut, hands clutching her tight enough to bruise. “I had to… Misa, you felt… you felt so tight around me. I can’t hold out any longer. God, Misa, please let me…”

“Are you going to pull out?” she asked, trying to sound innocently trusting rather than like she was teasing him. She _was_ teasing him, but he didn’t need to know that. At the same time, she purposefully clenched her muscles down around him, hoping he would assume it was an unconscious reaction rather than a calculated attempt to bring him over the edge.

Ryuuzaki gasped and shook his head fast, long black hair shaking as it hung over her face. He finally opened his eyes and locked them on hers, but he looked completely lost. “I… Misa, I can’t, you feel… I can’t stop. I didn’t know it would be like this. Misa, you feel so good inside, I need to fill you, I can’t stop even if you ask me to. I’m sorry. Please, Misa, let me fill you.”

Closing her eyes to hide the warm pleasure that swept over her at his words, Misa reached one hand up to cup the back of his head, stroking his hair and holding him against her body, feeling a burst of protectiveness at his guileless need for her. “Okay then, Ryuuzaki, if you really can’t stop yourself, you can cum inside me.”

It seemed that was all he needed. He slammed into her three more times, hard, using his grip on her torso to yank her body down on his cock as he thrust, and muffled his wordless cry by biting down on her shoulder. It was hard enough to hurt, but she cherished that, too. She wanted to show him the bite mark afterward, to tell him, “Look what you did to me,” to show him how far down he had sunk from his lofty heights from the temptation of her body alone. She felt his cock throb inside of her, flooding her with warmth, twitching enough times that she almost started to wonder if he would ever finish cumming. She suspected it had been a long time since he had this kind of release, even on his own.

They lay in silence on the floor for awhile, still entangled in each other, until the atmosphere became a little awkward. Ryuuzaki released her, pushing himself up on his forearms, carefully slipping out of her, and rolled over to lay on the carpet beside her. They looked at the ceiling together for a long moment until he broke the silence. “Misa?”

“Yes?” she said, turning her head to look at the profile of his face, hoping he wasn’t already having regrets.

“Is sex always like that, or are we just really good at it?”

Misa found herself laughing hard, rolling over and curling her body into his side. He looked startled but happy. “I think it’s just us,” she said. A wave of warmth swept through her again and she threw her arm over him, kissing him hard on the cheek in a mirror of the kiss that had started this whole business in the first place. She knew they would have to talk, eventually, figure out where to go from here. Tomorrow morning, the fact that she was a Kira suspect would matter again, and there was the matter of her boyfriend. But for now, Ryuuzaki didn’t regret it, and he wasn’t pushing her off or freaking out about everything they had done. Instead, he just lay there, looking a little dazed, put one arm around her, and pulled her against his side. All at once, the thought came to her: _I’ve never been so happy._

Misa wasn’t stupid. She knew there were words for people like her. The therapist they made her see after her parents’ death used plenty of them: codependent. Histrionic. Borderline. But recognizing it was one thing; doing anything different was another. She didn’t know how to be anything other than what she was. Maybe it made her simple, to feel like she could live on nothing but love, but she did. She would have loved Light forever if he had wanted that, would have done anything he asked, even die, if he had just loved her back. But that hadn’t been possible for him.

If she was going to give herself to someone else so totally no matter what, if she didn’t know how to love without being completely defenseless, at least Ryuuzaki would actually appreciate it, rather than seeing her as a burden. He wasn’t handsome the way Light was, but that wasn’t such a bad thing. Handsome men knew they could get whatever girls they wanted. A man like Ryuuzaki, he seemed grateful for whatever attention she gave him. She could be enough for him, and that was more than enough for her, especially after so many months of being made to feel like nothing at all.

She buried her face in the crook of his neck and let her eyes drift closed, his soft hair tickling her face. “You can keep me if you want to, Ryuuzaki,” she told him. “You can keep me for as long as you want me.”

Misa didn’t need Ryuuzaki to answer. Just saying it, that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes on Misa’s characterization:
> 
> My Misa might be somewhat out of character. Honestly, as someone who doesn’t write very much, that sort of childish, over-the-top persona seemed intimidating to write. I made her a bit more mature because I find that more relatable. I wanted to write Misa with her mask slipping for a change.
> 
> But I don’t think that’s incompatible with her canon personality. We know that she can be more mature and calm when she chooses to. And I think she’s actually pretty smart. She usually gets what she wants, and she survived much longer than most other characters. So the way I was thinking of her when I wrote this, I figured some of the whole Misa-Misa~~ persona is an act, something she’s encouraged to do by her agency in order to project the right image for her career and something that she adopts to try to be endearing to Light, in the same way some women slip into weird baby talk around attractive men.
> 
> Not that the whole thing is an act. I think she really is someone who is desperate for approval and love, and who can be very pushy and manipulative when she doesn’t get those things (hence her pressuring Light into a relationship, and her behavior in this fic with pushing L’s boundaries at the start). I’ve always liked the L/Misa pairing because I figure that if Misa ever accepted that Light would never give her the attention she wanted, she might turn to L because his social awkwardness would make him more likely to react the way she wants men to react to her. I like that sort of hot girl, weird guy dynamic where she feeds off the power of getting and holding his attention.
> 
> So yeah, overall I guess I wanted to write something satisfying, romantic, and happy, but not necessarily healthy. Misa is not a very good person and her need for attention is a bit extreme. But I like to write a scenario where she gets all the attention that she wants, and is able to relax a bit in return. I feel like L would bring out a better side of her than Light does.
> 
> As for L’s perspective: obviously in the canon, he was claiming to be her fan and saying she was perfect for Light in order to manipulate her into helping them. Despite Misa’s high social intelligence, I think that she would buy his act just because she wants positive attention so badly that she’ll choose to believe it’s real. But I chose to interpret his attraction to her and awkwardness around her as genuine, because that’s more appealing to me.
> 
> Update: Okay I've been thinking about it and somehow in my head, the L/Misa pairing has the same energy as [this picture](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/390/888/d13) of Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson that was a meme for awhile. Don't ask me why 'cause I can't explain.


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